The Only Way Out is Through

I haven't slept well in a while. My legs stung as I woke up, a sign of another night of restless sleep. I dragged my feet to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee, passing roommates asleep on the couch after a late night of drinking. It's 6 AM and I'm on my sixth… Continue reading The Only Way Out is Through

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waking life, in the light

My memories are few and far between. Whether it's the medication or years of uncontrolled seizures, many times I find myself missing key pieces when I see friends and reminisce. I smile and laugh, trying to avoid the gnawing feeling in my chest. I fiddle with my clothes, sip on my coffee, look around the… Continue reading waking life, in the light

Little Numbers on a Screen

I do it every morning. I have for years, on and off. I strip down to nothing and step on the scale. I close my eyes, wait, and look down. Its been slowly moving smaller and smaller each week. I eat half the food on my plate and feel full. I spend afternoons feeling nauseated… Continue reading Little Numbers on a Screen

Tick, Tick, Tick

The walls are closing in and suddenly the air is smokey. For months, there has been shifting in the air, promises of new life around the corner, but now there is stillness. Sudden and unprovoked. There is a sense of urgency, that every second I spend breathing in the polluted air of an apartment with… Continue reading Tick, Tick, Tick

Back Steps

Things had been going well for months. No flukes, no missed work, no staying home alone while my friends are out. I have been living normally for the last five months. It was a dream, the longest streak I've had in years. But yesterday hit me hard. Why is it that this is happening? I've… Continue reading Back Steps

The Lifelong Work of Acceptance

In dealing with a disability, like many things, one of the hardest steps is acceptance of the situation. I believe a couple years after my diagnosis, I did find acceptance of it. Understanding that this is something that I will live with, likely, for the rest of my life. But at fifteen years old, it's… Continue reading The Lifelong Work of Acceptance

When Things Aren’t Good

When things aren't good, I don't usually share much. I wait it out. Make the changes I need to, go to the doctors appointments, follow orders. But the last couple weeks have felt like too much to handle. What is there to really do when you have a week until you can see your doctor,… Continue reading When Things Aren’t Good

Fear and Health Care

Health care has been on my (most people’s) mind a lot lately. I’ve been thinking (panicking) about how the upcoming changes to the Affordable Care Act would be effecting me and those around me. While considering this, I thought about what I could add to the conversation. There’s so much out there already: opinions, statistics,… Continue reading Fear and Health Care